Barriers of Hatred
by JartFan-1011
Summary: Co written by GirlWednesday. Whilst feeling vunerable Bart lets his guard down this has inevitable and horrific consquences. How will he cope and come to terms with what has happened? please review all review are extremely helpful and appreciated xx
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter one: A Sad Pathetic Loser, With A Shit And Non-Existent Social Life**

I wake up to the words "fucking whore" or "slutty bitch" nearly every morning, i learnt a long time ago to never get involved or else i just get shouted at or called something like "a sad pathetic loser, with a shit and non-existent social life". My family are such nice people aren't they? Ok what they say is true i am sad, and i have been since the 1nd of December 2011. I should probably tell you that it is now late December 2012, which is right i have been sad for over an entire year! Pathetic loser - that is a tad harsh, as i am popular and have lots of friends. Well i used to, not really anymore, which then leads on to explain the non-existent social life. Actually reading this back to myself i do conclude that i am in fact a pathetic loser.

**Welcome to my shit-whole of a life.**

I should also inform you that my name is Bart, well Bartholomew. Bartholomew McQueen, by the oh i hear, i take it you have heard of the McQueen's? Feel sorry for me yet? When i tell you about the rest of my life, you soon will be.

It all began on the 4th of August 2010, yes over two whole years previously. On the day of my step-mum Joan's funeral, i don't really want to go into that in too much detail. I had always known i was a McQueen, and i sure lived up to the surname, when i was little my dad would tell me stories about Myra and the girls, and all the things they got up to. I knew i wanted to be like them. So after Joan died, dad – that fucked up shit bag, had decided he had, had enough of me and my teenage shit and packed me off to auntie Myra's. He said "son, auntie Myra always takes in strays and you'll love it there, that lot are just as fucked up as you." And that was that packed off to auntie Myra's. In all fairness i do fit in well here and i met the love of my life and even when things got ... difficult, shall we say, i tried my best. And when we couldn't be together i tried to get over it but couldn't. I ended up with Sinead, by rebound girl, who now seems to be my forever girl even if i can't forget about Jase. No matter whether he was a boy or a girl, he rocked and was amazing to be around. But now that is all over and in the past as Jason moved away to California to start a fresh, with his dad.

I can't believe how long he has been gone, i really did expect him to be a few weeks and then he would come back crying, i mean he has left so much behind he doesn't speak to anyone back in Hollyoaks as he doesn't want his new friends to know about Jasmine. He left so much, his brother, his sister, his mum, me and most importantly his twin! He hasn't spoken to his twin in over a bloody year. What kind of a selfish bastard doesn't speak to their twin in over a year? You can clearly tell I'm not over him either, waffling on like this. Jason this. Jasmine that.

After i had been stabbed by Fern, a girl that was blackmailing Jas, my girlfriend at the time Jas finally came clean to me about Jason. Ok, so i admit, my handling of the situation wasn't the best it could have been. If i remember it went something like:

**Flashback **

"I'm telling you, that I'm a boy"

I shake my head in confusion, it was completely and utterly mind blowing, at the time.

"In this body, this girl's body"

What? I ask her, i look at her face i can see it in her eyes, she isn't joking, she really means this.

She swallows, raises her eyebrows, i don't think she actually believes these words are coming out of her mouth. "That's why it was weird for me" she sits with her mouth slightly open, just so you can see her top front teeth.

I turn away from her, i can't bear to look at her after what she has told me, i love her and i knew (even then) i always would. But still, i look forward, my face is screwed up in confusing, i say: weird, i shake my head as i say the next bit, i can't quite believe this is happening: you're a freak. I tell her. My hands are by my sides palms facing up upwards, arms out wider than my shoulders.

"Oh, no" she whispers with her hands placed together finger tips right by her mouth (that lovely mouth of hers, stop Bart stop, i think to myself, think about what she has just told you, you're not gay Bart your just not!) "I dunno what else to say" she tells me really fast, her hands shaking and falling to the bed beside mine.

I shake my head and lean back on pillow i turn completely away from her now, almost in tears because i love her so much, i would have done anything for her, literally anything except now i couldn't she had to go: Get out. I turn towards her, stare at her face it almost breaks me, but no i know what i need to do: I said get out.

She stands up, i feel terrible, i really do. "Bart" she gives me this look, her eyes, the sadness in them. But i can't deal with it; i mean her timing wasn't great was it, really.

NOW! I shout at her. She turns and walks towards the door, in tears she sighs and pulls open the door. I look away, because i know that if i don't i will just tear off the bed sheets and run down the corridors after her.

**Present day**

I know what i said at the time was wrong, but i wasn't thinking straight. My girlfriend had just told me she wanted to be a boy! How was i supposed to react? And what i said last, about running after her. I wish i had done just that. Then maybe, she wouldn't have had to cut herself, or jump in front of the car i was driving or any of the other messed up shit that happened. I will tell you why none of that shit would have happened, because i would have been there, to hold her, to comfort her and kiss her beautiful soft lips and run my hands through her delicate blonde hair.

I know what you're thinking: I am Bart McQueen where do i get all the mushy stuff from? Jas/Jase, he/she whatever that is who does it too me. I mean look at me with Sinead i ain't like that with her. I'll tell you about her now...

So after all the drama with Jasmine Costello, i needed a girl who would take my mind off of my ex-girlfriend who wanted to be my boyfriend. And i found a rebound in Sinead O'Connor, a pretty fit well proportioned female! See what i mean when i about Jas it is all marshmallows and rainbows, where as Sinead is all body and nothing else. She was the perfect rebound. She slowly she started to become more than that, especially once Jas became Jason full time and i realised we could only ever be friends. It broke my heart as well as hers to have to say that but i don't know it just didn't feel right.

Anyway to prove me and Sinead were serious to our families we ran away together, but we ran out of money and Jason came to help and well we got ourselves into a sticky situation and me and Jase declared our love for each other and had a passionate kiss. Which Sinead found out about (from us) and dumped me. She got with a local bad boy Gaz and was gonna go travelling with him. Until i went to London with Jason and crashed a concert to prove my love for her.

Any way things were great, until Jason decided to leave Hollyoaks and i became more broken than ever. Sinead and i parted ways amicably just before the new year in 2011 and have stayed friends, i seem to be friends with all of my ex's Sinead, Jason and Maddie. And soon after Sinead and i spilt i started to only see my friends at school and i stopped socialising with my family, not that we ever did that much anyway. (So that must be saying something).

So yer this is me now i am 17 year old lad with no job, no money, no friends, no girlfriend, no family (close family), no life nothing what do i have to live for? That is what i want to know. What do i Bartholomew McQueen have to live for? I say this as i am standing on the edge of price slice in the village, where it all began and what it shall all end, right now. Don't ask me how i got up here i am a little tipsy. Ok i am about to top myself, don't really need to lie. I am fucking pissed. Like never before, it is now one of the only two things i do in my life. That is get drunk (by myself) and go to sleep (where ever i am).

As one of my hands lets go of the wall a taxi draws up to the village, more people to watch me good i like to make a good show for people.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N : Hi all it's girlwednesday this is my part of the story, this chapter may be found upsetting, just thought I'd say now. P.S I have reviewed the first chapter however since I am now part of writing the story I will not be doing that in future chapters.**

**Chapter 2: Didn't Your Mother Ever Warn You About Talking To Strangers?**

I stood on top Price Slice staring vacantly into the distance as tears streamed down my eyes. Under usual circumstances I would have fended them off anything to appear stronger than what I actually was.  
>I heard someone shouting to me it was the person who had pulled up in the taxi, however I didn't care nothing seemed to matter all I could think about was plunging down into nothingness where all the pain would evaporate.<br>The tears fell thicker and faster as I built up the courage to leap to my desired death.  
>"C'mon lad let me talk to you." Came a male voice from down below.<br>I continued to stare off into the distance making out like I hadn't heard the mans pleas.  
>"I know you can hear me." He persisted.<br>"I wouldn't bother mate, it's no loss." I responded still not daring to make eye contact.  
>"You're not thinking straight." He protested.<br>"Oh yeah! Like you would know." I spat back.  
>"Just hang on a minute stay where you are." He responded as he searched for the way up.<p>

A few minutes past and he found his way up, this time I turned to face him. He appeared to be in his early thirties he had dark hair and what seemed to be blue eyes, and was dressed in a suit, like a business man, I would describe him as average looking you wouldn't pay any attention to him if he passed you in the street.  
>"Listen it can't be that bad." He sympathised.<br>"It just got on top of me." I admitted stepping away from the edge slightly.  
>"I can smell the booze on you from here, it's not the wisest decision to end your life based on a drunken moment of madness. " He continued rationalising the situation.<br>"I couldn't see another way."  
>"You're young you will get through this." He comforted reassuringly.<br>"Oh god I feel such a prat." I declared realizing the madness of the situation.  
>"We all have moments of desperation." He sympathised.<br>"Thanks for making me see sense." I said feeling embarrassed over my temporary lapse in judgement.  
>"C'mon let us get you down from here." He stated taking me by the arm and guiding me down the steps, as I trusted him I walked down with him.<br>"Cheers mate." I mumbled as we reached the bottom.  
>"You just get home and sleep it off." He advised.<br>Deciding to take his advice I offered him a small smile before heading off in the opposite direction.  
>"Hey there's one more thing." He shouted after me.<br>"What?" I asked puzzled.  
>"Didn't your mother ever warn you about talking to strangers?" He snarled his voice changing to a sinister level and an animalistic glare replaced his kind eyes.<br>Before I had a chance to respond he brought his fist up and slammed it hard against my face, causing me to go flying backwards hitting my head hard on the cold ground.  
>I felt dazed and confused and my vision was blurred, for a moment I was able to get my sight into focus and I caught sight of the man kneeling down beside me.<br>"No please." I begged terrified voice in barely a whisper, I wanted to shout however I had no strength to do so.  
>"How about you and I go somewhere more private." He whispered a devious smile across his face.<br>"No." I protested.  
>"I don't take no for an answer." He replied grabbing me roughly by the T-shirt and pulling me forcefully towards the darkened alley.<br>I was terrified I had no idea what he was going to do to me my first thought was I wanted my Aunty Myra she would make it alright she would wrap her arms around me and reassure me that I would be fine but she wasn't there and she couldn't protect me.  
>As if I was a rag doll he threw me down onto the alley way floor and kicked me hard in the side to make sure I couldn't get up.<br>"Just relax." He hissed leaning in so close I could smell him.  
>Once more he violently grabbed me rolling me over I felt him pull at the belt of my trousers and removed it tossing it carelessly to the side.<br>I wanted to scream and I wanted nothing more than to fight him off and run, run as far away as possible but I couldn't move the fear had consumed me I was paralysed with the terror he was inflicting on me.  
>I couldn't stop him when he pulled away my trousers all I could do was whimper pathetically being crushed under the weight of him all I could do was close my eyes tightly and pray that the evil act he as inflicting would soon be over.<br>After what seemed a life time he rolled off me and got to his feet he secured the zip of his trousers and kicked me hard in the stomach once more.  
>"Not a word to anyone." He warned as he walked away leaving me to break down.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three: I Blame Jason For What Happened**

I slowly sit up and shuffle backwards, and lean against the wall, everything hurts. I can't describe the pain, it's excruciating. Tilly and George wobble past me, arms linked, clearly drunk. They have been at Maddie's i was inviting but decided not to go. As usual. "Are you ok Bart?" Tilly giggles, her heads tilted slightly a big beaming smile graces her face. "Fine" I lie, they don't care about me and i don't want them to pity me either. George stalks off because Tilly wants to stay and help me. She reaches out to touch my shoulder, i flinch away from her. "Bart? Bart!" Tilly repeats as my head once again touches the floor.

I wake up, my head is in Tilly's lap, she is stroking my hair and telling me "everything will be ok Bart, you'll see. Everything happens for a reason. Sinead, Jason they will eventually come back they love you" she has no idea; i like it and want to keep it that way. "Get off me" i shout "Don't touch me" i say as i make my way to my feet and wander off Tilly calling at me to come back, and tell her what's wrong. I don't go.

Instead I stumble back home, i don't really want to go, i mean i don't really want to see anybody and there's no chance of peace and quiet at the McQueen's. However i have nowhere else to go, nobody wants me and nobody really cares about me, that theory was proved tonight. None of this ever would have happened if Jason hadn't up and left the village, it is all his fault! Ok so that's a bit harsh, but true because if Jason were still here i wouldn't have ended it with Sinead or dropped out of 6th form, i would still have friends and a purpose to live for. So i wouldn't have ended up on the roof, and tonight would never have happened, it's his fault Jason i blame Jason for what happened.

In all fairness it isn't really his fault, but i need someone to blame and i know deep down it isn't his fault and people always say it's not yours. You are the victim. Therefore i know it is not mine. I do know the person to blame, but i just can't bear to think about them. Every time i close my eyes they are there, pinning down my arms, kicking me in the stomach. I open my eyes immediately; i don't want to ever have to re live the experience.

I push open the gate, i stop and sigh. I lift my head, my eyes now looking straight ahead at the house at the bright lights. It's the 29th of December 2012, Christmas is over and gone. I hate all those tacky Christmas lights all the reindeers and snowflakes they are cheap, nasty and unnecessary. Unfortunately Myra loves them. I walk up towards the door and knock half heartedly on the door and rest against the door frame waiting for someone to open the door. Thank god Rhys opens the door. He says nothing when opening the door usually i would make him talk, but today i am just not in the mood. I climb up the stairs and enter my room i drop my jacket on the chair by the door and fall onto the bed and cry myself to sleep, it hurts so bad. Jacqui hears me crying.

"Bart, can i come in?" Jacqui asks me

I don't answer, i want to scream but no words come out

"Bart" Jacqui's voice is starting to get higher now, like she is worried about me. Why should she be i have been nothing but fucking arsehole to her ever since i arrived.

Jacqui gently pushes the door and comes in the room. And i not on the bed anymore, i am in fact sitting on the window sill. Listening to 'This Love' and staring out at the world it's raining and windows are misty, foggy whatever. You can draw on them.

Jacqui makes her way over slowly tripping over various objects in my room in the process. It hasn't been cleaned in about a year, what's the point? No one ever comes up here anymore. "Bart? What's wrong?" i look at her face she is wearing no makeup and her hair hangs lose on her shoulders. She looks better than she usually does, but she also looks concerned for me. I can see it in her eyes and her expression. "I'm fine i promise" that's been my answer all evening; people can tell it is a complete and utter lie but i am too embarrassed to tell them what happened. The man was right nobody will believe me.

"Your obviously not Bart, is it Jas? I mean have you looked at what you're drawing?" she had a point. I turned and looked at my drawing. It was a small heart with the words 'it's u Jas and always will be – I'm sorry' they were the words from the text Jason had deleted back in London in November 2011. Ok so i added the sorry, but i am sorry. Very sorry for everything i put Jason through. I now know what it feels like to be made to do something that you don't want to do.

"Fine then, if you're sure, i will leave you with your drawing." Jacqui said as she slowly back out of my bedroom.

"NO, no i am not sure" i whisper once she is out of ear shot, i rest my head on the window and wipe away my drawing with my right hand. The condensation on the window trickles down and splashes at my feet, it represents the many tears i have cried of Jason, i have to except the fact that Jason has GONE and is never coming back. No matter how much i want him too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter four: I Need To Make A Long Distance Call**

Four short but ever so long days have gone by since the horrific attack and everything seems to have gotten that much more unbearable, I haven't left the house and I have told no one.  
>I feel like I can't be rid of what happened it's like traces of it still remain on me, I sat in the shower for hours turning the water to unbearable hot temperature, trying to scrub myself clean.<br>The water consumed me, enough to soak me yet nowhere near enough to drown me to end the nightmare.  
>I picked up the bar of soap and scrubbed like mad lathering it all over me however nothing seemed enough.<br>I heard members of the family pounding on the bathroom door all desperate for their time in the bathroom, still I carried on turning up the pressure to full blast to drown out their voices.  
>The warm water turning cold suddenly snapped I back to reality as I quickly turned the water off I knew I would later be confronted by the others who were forced to have cold showers.<br>As soon as I got out the shower I ran quickly into my room and climbed straight back into bed still unclothed and soaking wet from where I hadn't bothered drying off.  
>Carmel came in she had the newspaper in her hand and left it on the edge of the bed, conveniently open on the job section which funnily enough by pure coincidence had a few articles circled with the ink of her pink gel pen.<br>I must have closed my eyes as a while later I woke up screaming after hearing his words the most prominent ones, the ones that whirl around in my head: "Not a word to anyone." It's as if he is still on top of me, I can still feel his hands pinning my arms down and his heavy breathing still loud in my ears, he only kicked me twice but still feels like he's kicking me now, his kick so hard I feel unable to get up again.  
>A light knock on my door caught my attention yet I ignored it, pulling the duvet over my head. They pushed the door open.<br>"Bart I didn't know who else to call." The voice of my aunty Myra said.  
>Unable to contain my curiosity further I looked over the sheets to see the face of my ex Girlfriend Sinead, she looked nervous and unsure whether to come in or not as she lingered sheepishly behind Myra.<br>"Go on love." Myra encouraged as she lightly chivvied her in.  
>"Bart?" She asked quietly as Myra left the room closing the door behind her.<br>I wanted to speak to her I really did a bit of human interaction probably would have become a welcome distraction from the situation however I couldn't bring myself to face her, so I rolled away in the opposite direction bringing my knees up to my chin and screwing my eyes together tightly.  
>"You not are wearing any clothes?" She questioned.<br>I merely nodded still unable to form any words.  
>"Oh my God you're soaking." She gasped as she placed her hand on my arm not noticing that I flinched.<br>She left the room temporarily and I pondered over my reaction to her touch I hadn't been close to anyone since what happened in the alleyway and now it seemed like the feel of another human being had been tainted by him it was as if he had spoilt it by that one experience.  
>She came back in a towel in her hand she climbed onto the bed and began to rub it over my back, I held my breath once more paralysed unable to move, I tried telling myself there was no need to act like this it was just Sinead and we had been closer than this before and now she was trying to help me and she was worried, but in truth it didn't matter who it was all I could see was that man, that nameless man who lulled me into a false sense of security before abusing my trust in the darkest way possible.<br>She finished drying me off and retrieved my dressing door that had been discarded on the floor and wrapped it around me.  
>"Don't cry." She pleaded as she wiped away the tears I hadn't realised had fallen.<br>She began stroking my hair then she kissed me lightly on the cheek and tucked me in before walking over to my computer and unplugging my webcam.  
>"Can I borrow this?" She questioned.<br>"Why?" I asked weakly the first thing I had uttered since her arrival.  
>"I need to make a long distance call."<br>I shrugged anything to get her out of the room; I just wanted to be alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for uploading this so quickly, i just really wanted to write it! The rest of the chapters will be more spaced out. And since i am back to school on Wednesday i won't have time and we should get a bit of Jase into this story, please review and enjoy xx**

**Chapter five: Flat Out No!**

Sinead quietly shuffled out of the room and slammed the door behind her, i couldn't help but feel she was a little angry with me, i mean i would be angry to, but i just can't explain or talk about it. A shiver runs down my spine just thinking about it. I pick up the newspaper, give it a quick glance and toss it on the floor, there is a small build up of papers, and application forms on my floor now. I turn over and pull the duvet over my head, i wonder to myself what did Sinead want with the webcam and long distance phone call, i hoped she wasn't gonna do anything stupid, who did she know overseas? I came up with one answer, and i don't think those two are really in the mood to speak to each other, a year apart isn't long enough.

**Sinead POV**

Myra had called me, the only person she could think of, well she didn't think hard because there is one person, one person who will definitely be able to find out what is wrong with a Bart. Because this definitely isn't him in a sulk over me or any of friends, this is something mega serious. And there is only one person, half way across the world that can help. I open the front door and grab my laptop off the couch, and proceed to link up the webcam. i eventually get there having never hooked one up before, and i couldn't very well ask for help. I would get asked all kind of nosy questions and my answer: the girl who wants to be a boy whole stole the guy i loved away from me. No i didn't want that. I hit the enter button.

**Connecting to ... Jason.**

**Jason POV**

I hear a buzzing sound coming from the computer, Oh fuck. Stop it Andy, stop i have a message. I say as i make my way over to the computer, as i hit the enter button a face pops up. HOLY SHIT!

**Incoming caller ... Sinead. **

"Nice to see you too"

Sorry... it is a bit of a shock! I haven't seen or spoken to you in over a year. So why, why now Sinead, i am finally moving on. Without having to speak to anyone but Seth and Riley i have been able to get on with my life.

"Because there has been some trouble that's why now!" she fidgets around on the chair. "And i can clearly see you have moved on, who is that behind you?"

Shit, Andy you have to leave now!

"Alright, alright but i wanna kiss first" i kiss Andy on the lips slowly before we break apart and he leaves via the window. Dad doesn't know about Andy. I tell Sinead.

"Oh, ok. So before i ask you the important stuff, how are you? You started the treatment stuff yet?"

I am good, and for you information yes, yes i have. But i don't want to discuss it on webcam, and i sure that isn't why you called. Is it? Just get to the point Sinead.

"Fine, just to say i am not happy about asking you this, but it isn't about me so... here goes. Jason, this is really serious, i am really worried about Bart." She sees the expression on my face. I advert my eyes from the camera to the floor, draw in my breath and slowly close and then open my eyes.

I am going to regret this but keep going.

"I know, it is hard for you to hear, when Myra called me i didn't listen either but she called and called and i will too, until you listen to what i have to say and then you can make an informed decision. Ok?"

Are you and Bart not together? I asked slightly confused because when we deleted those texts in London and he crashed the concert for Sinead, i expected them to be together forever. I couldn't help feeling slightly pleased, then i remembered Andy and the fact i had just began to move on and become a boy properly.

"No. We drifted, without you as his friend, or whatever you were, we slowly drifted apart. I know i don't understand either." She is crying now, i really feel bad and i wanna jump through the screen and hold her, god knows how many times i wanted that from someone, over the past couple of years.

Sinead, I'm sorry to ask this but you were saying. I am busy i need to go. If you could be quick that would be good.

"Right sorry Bart" she says dabbing her eyes with a tissue and sniffing loudly. "Jase, four days ago" she pondered over how to say the next bit, fidgeting even more picking the nail varnish off her fingers. "He tried to ..." she stopped again, running her fingers through her long brown hair, liked she always did. I was getting agitated by this point, but i kept calm and didn't say anything. "He tried, he tried" She was breathing heavily now. SINEAD WHAT! i shout getting really angry now. WHAT HAPPENED!

"He tried to ... kill himself" she burst into even bigger floods of tears, as did i. You what! He, he, he tried to commit suicide. He would never... not after i tried after i could stand being Jasmine anymore not i don't believe you. I say shaking my head.

"I saw him Jase, with my own eyes. He has been really funny ever since. This nice man helped get him down after he wouldn't listen to me, Myra, Jono. Nobody and this random guy said some stuff to him and he came down. I don't know what's wrong with him. I am really worried he might try it again, but not in front of anyone. He stays locked in his room, he doesn't go out, and he doesn't eat. I went round earlier and he had got out of the shower, and got right back into bed naked and soaking wet. I was hoping you would be able to help?"

What come over? No. Flat out no, i am sorry at what has happened but you know what he is like with me. He treats me like a puppet, his own personal play thing. He tells me he loves me, kisses me and then rips my heart out by saying "I was kissing Jasmine, not Jason!" i tell her referring back to the day in the cellar, the gunman and the kiss. I am not gonna come running every time he asks, no more. He needs to realise he can't treat me like this Sinead. He treats you just as bad, kissing me a boy in a girl's body, while he is with you. He can never admit his true feelings to anybody. Best of all us, the people he loves.

"Jase, he doesn't love me, we both know that. There is another thing we both know, he loves YOU not just Jasmine, but you Jason. He does" she stops pauses for breath swallows and continues "He just needs to know you're serious about Jason as well, deep down you know this Jase i know you do! Please Jason i need you, because even if he doesn't love me. I will always love him. No matter what and he really need you Jason, desperately more now than ever."

I'm sorry Sinead. I say shaking my head and ending the link between us.

**Sinead POV**

Well that didn't go as planned; i say grabbing another tissue and wiping my eyes. I expected a yes i am coming right now because i love him. I pick up a photo of Bart and me at the beach, I look at it and vow to help Bart at all costs.

**Jason POV**

I fall onto the bed and cry, i want to help Bart i really do, but i have a new life now. I am just beginning to get on with my life as the person i want to be. I start to undress and pull on some new clothes, when i feel a breeze on me.

I turn around and standing behind me... is Andy.

"I am gonna be sick" he pushes past me to the bathroom. He emerges 30 minutes later. He wipes his mouth "You're a girl?"

No i am a boy! I shout at him. I pull him towards the bed and sit him down, i proceed to tell him my entire life history, everything: Bart, Dad, Silas, Anita, Fern and most importantly Jasmine.

"So, let me get this straight, you're telling me that you're a boy trapped inside a girl's body and that you're currently in the process of getting treatment to change your body from female to male? And this Bart is your Ex-boyfriend from when you were Jasmine?"

In a nutshell. Yes, i am so glad you understand. I lean forward to hug him, he pushes me away. "You're a FREAK! I am gonna tell everyone and ruin your life. You FREAK!"

No. I am not taking this fucking shit anymore, i am not a freak. And you may not understand that, i should have realised this a long time ago. I have people back in Hollyoaks who love and accept me for who i really am JASON! I shout at him, running around my room, grabbing my suitcase and chucking some clothes into it. I am leaving, i never should have left England! I realise that now. And i am going back to help my friend and to stay for GOOD! Now get the fuck out of my way so i can go to my true love and help him. I say pushing Andy aside. Dad who's been standing outside the door, thrusts money into my hands and gives me a hug and kisses the top of my head, as i run out, he shouts: "I have been waiting for you to do this son! I love you SON!"

**The next day...**

I step of the plane and i already feel like i am home, as i get a taxi back to the OAKS, i have a smile on my face for the entire journey. I grab my suitcase from the backseat and pay the driver. JASON COSTELLO IS BACK!


	6. Chapter 6

**I dunno what to write in this chapter, it wasn't supposed to be my chapter but i have no exams and GirlWednesday does, so sorry if it isn't great. And please review if you read this it is really appreciated.**

**At the beginning he isn't speaking to anyone, just like thinking it. If that makes sense? xx**

**Chapter six: Not For Him, Not For Anyone**

**Jason POV**

Well, i am back in Hollyoaks and i have to admit the feeling inside me is better than i could have ever imagined. I have a strange feeling however this wonderful sensation won't last long. It will all come crumbling down in and fall at my feet. It always does, that's how life works. Something begins wonderfully and ends on a sour note just like me and Bart; i know we will never be together. He made that perfectly clear back in august 2011 after he ripped my heart out (again) and stamped all over it just to please Sinead. His excuse to me? "I'm sorry, but it's hard."

Well tough shit, life is hard. Take a spin at life in my shoes and see how you feel then Bartholomew i am sure you would much rather have your perfect life where nothing ever strays off the path and you always seem to get what you want. Especially with me, you say jump and i say how high. Not anymore! I know Sinead said you needed my help, but i don't know if i can.

That is what i thought to myself as i stood outside Cinergy with a gormless look plastered across my face. I want to help him i do, i just think it will be too hard. I mean i still love him, so much, and i know for well he doesn't feel the same way about me, because if he did he would have jumped straight back on that bus in London, and not stayed to win Sinead back. I snap back to reality again, and realise i have been standing in the same spot, in the pouring rain for over 10 minutes thinking about Bart. I wheel my suitcase over the road and hoist it up onto the pavement, one of the wheels gets caught and i stumble backwards, right into someone.

"Watch it kid!" the stranger says in a gruff, angry voice.

He shoves me away and continues to walk on past, i look at him. He wears a dark suit, he carries a briefcase and he looks slightly tired but still immaculate, not a thing out of place. As he turns the corner i shout out to him "Sorry." He pokes his head round the corner and proceeds to say:

"Don't worry son, it isn't the first time and it won't be the last. And don't forget that." he adds pointing to the floor, i bend down to pick up my phone, it must have fallen out when i fell. What a nice guy. I think to myself, most people would have waited for me to leave and then come back and nicked it, decent bloke, you don't see many around here. I wheel my suitcase to the folly, and sit down, i don't know why everyone hung out here, it's cold, damp and really miserable but then so was the shack and that's where i spent most i my time. God you don't half a miss a place until you come back, in America i didn't miss England at all apart from my family of course, but now i can't believe i ever left!

**Sinead POV**

Lying on bed face down crying into the pillow my phone bleeps; i don't want to look at it i haven't moved since Jason said he wouldn't help the other day. I can't believe he said that, and he's completely moved on from Bart onto some Andy! I wonder if he told him? No he said he want a fresh start. I heave myself up and reach out to the table to grab to phone. I have 5 missed calls: all from Maddie and 1 new text from a withheld number.

**From ... UNKNOWN NUMBER**

**Folly, come quick.**

Three words, i wonder who it is i say out loud. Should i go find out? I could be some creep waiting to attack me or it could be Bart or Maddie, it could be anyone. I grab my phone and keys, not caring what i look like and walk to the folly; nobody is there, just a suitcase. I slowly walk over to it when i feel the breath of someone behind me. Oh shit. A hand grabs my shoulder and swivelled me round, fear engulfs me. I cover my eyes and the person pulls a shaking hand away from my eyes, i open them and i am greeted by the smiling face of Jason Costello. A wave of relief washes over me, as his arms wrap around me in a big hello hug.

"You seem scared Sinead" Jason laughs at me.

Me nah, never. I reply regaining my composure.

"Like, i believe you. You were terrified i was some creepy old man, that was about to attack you!" he is in hysterics now.

Oh, well i am glad you find it funny. Because i sure don't! I shout at him pretending to be all upset and angry with him.

"Sinead, I'm sorry i just wanted it to be a surprise that i was here."

It is ok i forgive you. I tell him wiping away a pretend tear. You came, i thought you said and i quote "What come over? No. Flat out no, i am sorry at what has happened but you know what he is like with Me." i mimic in Jason's voice.

"Yer, well things change" he says looking down towards the floor.

What happened Jason, back in America what happened? I asked genuinely concerned about him.

"Nothing, i don't want to talk about it" he says tears welling in his eyes. It is obvious he does want to talk.

Come on, you can tell me Jase. What happened? I repeat.

"Andy found out about my past in England, he overheard our entire conversation. We had an argument, and well he reacted just like Bart really, kinda like everyone did using the words YOU'RE A FREAK. And i kinda went crazy saying i wasn't gunna be treated like this anymore and all that kind of stuff. However on the plus side i think dad has properly accepted the fact i am gay now. Because he said he had been waiting for me to do what i did and come racing back to England."

Jase, i am sorry. But for what it's worth Andy was a lucky guy to have you, your amazing so strong and brave. And it is his loss. But i am glad you're back because there is something seriously wrong with Bart. He hasn't come out of his room for a week and that just isn't like him, unless he was with me of course.

"A whole week, alone? That doesn't sound like Bart, not even phoning or texting anybody?"

Nope, i must have called him at least 50 times since i went round a couple of days ago. Every time straight to voice mail, i have given up it isn't as though we actually have anything to do with each other anymore and i have tried and failed. Maybe you can succeed where i didn't? I look longingly at him, pleading with him to help me and to help Bart.

"But why should i Sinead, i have never properly been with him, as much as i have tried he doesn't want to know me Jason, he wants to know her."

Please Jason, this is serious i can feel it.

"I can't do that Sinead. I can't and i won't. Not for him, not for anyone."

Jason, find a way. He needs help.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey it's girlwednesday. After writing reflections I've currently had a Jart overload so this one is in Tilly's point of view.**

**Chapter Seven: A New Lease Of Life**

**Tilly POV  
><strong>  
>I sat staring into space outside MOBs, bored out of my mind. Everyone else was out for the night on dates with their partners all with the exception of me.<br>I finished the final dregs of my smoothie, some sort of berry concoction, sickly sweet and not something I would usually drink, same went for the unappetizing cherry muffin that sat untouched in front of me.  
>Over the far side of the village I spotted Ruby and Esther giggling away about something, no doubted discussing the details of Ruby's upcoming date with Jono. Me and Esther were close once but I hardly see her now, she has moved on. Not that I have much right to complain about this I was the one the called things off and quite rightfully I was starting at a new college, I didn't want to be tied down in a relationship with someone who i had just met.<br>I sighed deeply to myself, if I was to be totally honest I would look back and say I was lonely. It seems ridiculous really all my life I had prided myself upon being fiercely independent and capable of standing on my own two feet.  
>"Cheer up lass, it might never happen." Came a male voice from behind me.<br>Startled I turned around in my seat to face the voice. As I observed him I didn't recognise him. There wasn't anything about him that particularly stood out, he was about average height, his hair was dark, blue sort of greyish eyes and I would place him in his thirties the only thing that a person would spot was his suit which hinted he was some sort of business man.  
>"Excuse me?" I asked a little surprised by his direct approach.<br>"Well you don't look to happy from where I'm stood." He smiled his voice filled with concern.  
>"I'm fine." I reassured as I painted on a false smile.<br>"How about I buy you a drink?" He offered as he gestured to the counter.  
>"You're barking up the wrong tree."<br>"How so?"  
>"I'm a lesbian." I quickly pointed out.<br>"Well now you have told me where I stand, can I buy you a drink?" He asked once more.  
>"Go on then." I accepted, I don't know what it was about him but he cheered me up with such ease.<br>"Another drink for the lady." He said to Darren over the counter.  
>"You do realise she's gay right"? Darren checked as he placed the appropriate ingredients in the blender.<br>"She has filled me in." He nodded as he handed over a five pound note before telling Darren to keep the change.  
>"So is this a regular occurrence buying strangers fruity drinks?" I joked as I sipped the beverage feeling relaxed within his company.<br>Before he had a chance to respond a set of hands covered my eyes and a familiar voice whispered "guess who". As I turned around I was met with none other than Jason Costello who I hadn't seen in ages since he moved to California.  
>"Oh my God Jase." I squealed as I jumped out of my seat and wrapped my arms around his neck.<br>"Looks like someone's pleased to see me." He joked as he returned the hug.  
>"Oh Jase this is..." I went to introduce before realising I didn't know the man's name.<br>"We've met." Jason said cutting me off.  
>"Yes we bumped into each other literally." He chuckled.<br>"Yeah sorry I wasn't looking where I was going." Jason apologised embarrassed.  
>"No worries." He dismissed.<br>"So what are your plans whilst you're here?" I asked Jason excited to see him again.  
>"Well apparently something is up with Bart." He informed before rolling his eyes.<br>"Yeah he's been acting well weird."  
>"Well he can and you are going out." He declared as he pulled a flyer out of his jeans pocket.<br>I read the leaflet it was a student night at Chez Chez usually this was the SU bar's territory however since Callum's sister Ash started work there she has really breathed a new lease of life into the place.  
>"Sounds great." I agreed.<br>"Well let's go then." He excitedly encouraged before taking my hand and leading me in the direction of the club, neither of us were exactly dressed for clubbing but it didn't seem to bother Jason.  
>"Bye then." I waved to the man as I dropped the flyer to the ground and headed off with Jason.<br>Within half an hour we were in the club and it was packed to the seams with rowdy students on a wild rampage. The music played and the alcohol flowed. After hours of dancing and drinking me and Jason stumbled out of the club in a fit of giggles.  
>"Right I'm going to go crash on Mitzeee's sofa." Jason drunkenly slurred as he staggered off in the opposite direction.<br>"Bye then." He waved as I started to make my way home, in my drunken state I tripped and fell down onto the pavement landing on my ankle as I did so.  
>I screamed out in shock as I lay on the pavement before taking a sharp intake of breath through clenched teeth due to the throbbing pain in my ankle.<br>"Let me help you." Came a voice from above me. Quickly I looked up and stood in front of me was the same man from earlier offering his hand to help me up.  
>Gratefully I accepted it as he helped me to me to my feet balancing me weight against him as not to walk on the sprained ankle.<br>"C'mon I'll give you a lift home." He offered as he pulled me towards his car. Due to my alcohol impaired judgement and desire to get in out of the cold I accepted without a second for thought. If there was anything i had learnt living in Hollyoaks village over the past two years, was to never trust a stranger.  
>As we climbed in he turned on the radio and drove slowly away from the village, I gave him directions and he appeared to not take any notice as he drove way out in the opposite direction.<br>"Where are you taking me?" I asked as a feeling of panic arose within me.  
>"Just for a nice relaxing drive."<br>"Please let me out." I pleaded as the feeling of terror intensified.  
>He steered the car into the nearest lay by and brought in to a standstill. For a moment I was relieved yet this was short lived as I placed my hand on the door handle the locks shot up leaving me trapped.<br>"What are you doing?" I tearfully questioned as he placed his hand on my leg and ran his hand up it.  
>He undid his seat belt and got up close in my face and whispered.<br>"You may be a lesbian but I'm not picky." He snarled before he adjusted my seat so I was lying out flat.  
>I screamed yet no one heard me and no one came. He was merciless and uncaring as he ripped at my clothes and pinned down my arms.<br>I tried to fight yet he was overpowering and determined and he succeeded in his evil deed. Afterwards when he finished he drove me back to the village in silence before roughly pushing me out of the car.  
>"This will be our little secret, agreed?" He smiled before closing the door and driving off into the night.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter eight: DS. Matt Devlin **

**Jason POV**

I saw Tills falling out of a car, a dark blue BMW i think i couldn't see the driver clearly but it looked like a man we knew. Age? around 30 maybe 35, i am guessing and he had dark brown hair and light blue eyes, could be considered good looking and he seemed like a decent bloke that is if it weren't for the terrible sinister secret he is walking around with.

"And how do you know she had been sexually assaulted by this man?"

Well let me think, oh yes now i remember she was in her underwear and the fact that she is a lesbian proves she wasn't just having sex with someone in a car!

"Right, that makes things simpler. Well thanks Jason for coming in and giving me a statement but i really feel that you should speak to this friend and try and make her see sense about coming in and making a statement so we can get this guy. Does she know you know?" DS. Devlin asked me.

No she doesn't know and don't you think i would have tried if i thought it would help? But i don't think i am the right person to give her advice. I shout at him spitting a little in his face as i get up from my seat and storm out of the room.

"Jason waits!" Devlin shouts after me. I stop and turn around. Look i will try, if you the copper thinks it is best, but i ain't making any promises.

"Thank you, make sure she knows that it isn't her fault and she shouldn't be embarrassed and also if she doesn't wanna do it for her, do it for others out there, his next victim could be saved or think of it this way his next victim may not be so lucky his crimes could escalate and we could be faced with a murder." Devlin calls out to me as i walk out the door for a second time, i know getting Tilly to tell the police is the best solution, but i won't force her, i can't and i won't.

As i step outside the police station i see him standing in front of me. A smile plastered across his face no sense of guilt of remorse about what he had done the night before.

"Hello Jason, what are you doing at the police station at this time of the morning?" he says staring at watch taping it. Pretending he thinks it is broken because us teenagers aren't usually up at 8 on a Saturday morning. Oh you know catching up with friends after being away about time i saw Ethan and that lot in there, i say and smile as i walk by calmly holding in my anger as i just wanna smack the guy so hard where it hurts.

I wander into the village an notice Tilly standing on top of the arch way leaning far over the edge, at little too far over for my liking. I find my way to the top of the arch way i stand behind Tilly for a while just looking, and to anyone else she would just look like she normally does, but i knew all too well this wasn't the case. I walk over and join her, keeping i slight distance in between us. She breaks the silence.

"Hi Jase" she smiles, like everything i fine and normal. I knew i wouldn't be able to keep quite when i saw her.

I saw you last night Tilly in the village, right there. I say pointing to the back of Mobs. You were shaking and half naked, it doesn't take a genius to work it out. Why you eh, why you? Of all the people in the world why you?

"Because he isn't picky" she cries falling into my shoulder. He is picky? Did he say that? that's disgusting and very disturbing. But you need to go to the police.

"No Jason, i can't"

Why not?

"Because..."

Let me guess because your embarrassed, ashamed, think it is your fault and no one will believe you because you're a lesbian

"Exactly" she sobs into my shoulder again sighing heavily in between the snivelling.

Well i believe you and trust me the coppers will too and if you don't wanna do it for yourself do it for the others out there, if he isn't locked away he could do it again and maybe he already has and next time he could take it further! Did you ever think of that Tills? Maybe his next victim won't be so lucky.

"I don't think i could face him, you know at a trial."

That is no excuse now is it Tills there are ways around that, screens, video links, not having a trial cus he pleads guilty. Whatever your excuse i will come up with a solution, you know how obsessed i am over Law and Order.

"I guess there is no point in trying to beat you is there Jase?" she laughs through the sobbing.

No at least you get some things right.

"Jason, why did you come back exactly?"

Sinead said Bart was being really weird, not going out, taking loads of showers, not eating stuff like that – not being himself and she said she tried to help but i was the only person that Bart would listen to – i haven't seen him yet i think your more important at this moment in time, don't you.

"Jason, if he's not picky do you think – nah, he couldn't he wouldn't – don't worry i am going too far now"

Ok. I shrug pulling her away from the edge and down the steps in the direction of Chester police station.

"Where we going" she says slowing down to wipe her eyes which are filled with tears.

To the station, you wanna make a statement right? Well there is no time like the present.

"I suppose, but it is nearly lunch time can we get some food first?"

Fine, i suppose another half an hour won't make any difference. I sigh smiling at her complexion, it was the happiest i had seen her all morning i should have known the prospect of food would cheer her up.

**37 minutes later... **

"Hi, DS. Matt Devlin, now go through and take a seat and go through exactly what happened last night, and please take all the time you need, it is important we get everything we possibly can on your attacker." Matt says shaking each of our hands in turn as we sink down into the squishy sofas.


End file.
